i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
