like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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