My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
