I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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