I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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