I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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