My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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