She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize