i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
