Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
