between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
