my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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