So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
North Korea, Best Korea!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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