i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
