she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
