Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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