Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
