I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
sex in a hospital.. check
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
