is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he thought i was a dude.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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