What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
