It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
