don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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