Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
