More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
