im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
