John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize