I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm too high and old for this...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
