He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
