You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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