I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
