Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
