Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
