when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
