the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
