All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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