I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
