Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
