And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
