Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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