Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
