She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
