I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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