so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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