so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
