I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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