The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
