my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
