I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
