the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
