We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
