you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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