You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
