this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
