I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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