Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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