Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
