Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
