the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
