yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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