I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
