Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
