Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
