I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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