I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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