We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
