trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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