Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
