so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
