I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
