I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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