We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Congratulations! We have a period
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