I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
