Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
