I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
sarcasm needs its own font
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize