Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
