the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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