i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
