So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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