so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
