Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
