I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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