So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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