I wish life had little blips of pornography
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
