Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
