Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
