Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
