After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
